Family / Turkey

My dad’s coming to our wedding, but that might not be enough…

Those of you who have been following the saga of my dad and his reaction to my impending marriage will remember that he has not been the biggest fan of the whole enterprise.

After a grim few months of barely being able to talk to each other without paralysing levels of awkwardness, I sent my parents their save the date and waited with bated breath to see what would happen…

My mum replied instantly saying of coure they’d be there.

But my dad? Not a peep.

Now it seems he’s starting to come around. He pulled me aside a couple of weeks ago for a Very Serious Conversation in which he said sorry for ever making me doubt that he would come, and that of course he was going to be there.

What a stunner. I *think* the hat was a joke. Not the facial blotting is for privacy, not revenge.

What a stunner. I *think* the hat was a joke. Not the facial blotting is for privacy, not revenge.

Big progress, huh? Then, not long after, he told me that he’d taken himself down to John Lewis and bought himself his first suit in 62 years. (Yes, that’s correct, my dad has reached the fine age of 62 without ever once owning or even wearing a suit. What a hippy, eh?) I told him it didn’t matter if he showed up in his underpants, the important thing was that he would be there. But secretly, I think he enjoyed having the excuse. I mean, what 62-year-old man doesn’t want a cream linen suit?

But it turns out that, sadly, just deciding to come and getting a sharp new suit isn’t actually enough to bridge the very real gulf that still exists between us. Only a few days ago, we ended up having another big bust up about some minor wedding-related detail that cut through the suit-buying gloss.

He still genuinely thinks I’m making a mistake and that it isn’t going to work. He’s so sure about this opinion that he can’t set it aside, no matter how I try to reassure him I’ve thought through (in IMMENSE detail) the various disaster scenarios he is sure are waiting for us. It’s hard to put into words how much this hurts, but I’m trying to be patient and give him time. I figure if I’m right about getting married to E (which I think I am, naturally), I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my father by letting rip in a way I’ll later regret.

We’ve made up now, and he apologised again. But it’s a big rift, and one that doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon.

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9 thoughts on “My dad’s coming to our wedding, but that might not be enough…

  1. Big hug…
    My dad was similar and at first refused to come to India. but you know what, he actually loved India!! Once he met my husband he was sure that I was doing the right thing. Time does wondered, Dads need time to digest.

    Suit looks good!! 😀

    P.S, love yellow walls and black frames!!!!
    xxx

  2. Sorry to hear that you are going through that. At least he is coming to the wedding and not turning up in his underpantss 😉 … Our theory is (at least with our dads) “Once dad makes up their minds, they don’t like to be wrong” but they will eventually come round. Fingers crossed!

  3. I’m sorry it’s so difficult with your dad. It sounds like he is just trying to be protective of you because he loves you, but of course this doesn’t mean that his attempts aren’t misguided. It sounds like all you can do is trust that he will come to accept your choices over time. But in the meantime it does put you in a very challenging position. I’m glad to hear that he’s at least coming to the wedding – it’s movement in the right direction!

    • Thank you! I know, his motivations are unquestionable, that’s what makes it so hard. I’m trying to trust that he’ll come around eventually – that’s all I can hope for.

  4. That must be so hard to have your father doubting your relationship and marriage. My mom questioned my marriage to my indian husband for just a moment asking how as a feminist could I marry an indian. I explained it all. I knew deep down that mommy worry is deep and hard to quiet. I hope that as the marriage happens and your life with your husband moves forward he will learn to be happy with your choices.

    • Yes, it’s kind of their job to worry, isn’t it? I’d rather have them worry than not care at all…. Fingers crossed my dad will chill out as things move forward 🙂

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